I drive a Toyota Celica.
I love it.
I cannot go to a gas station or a shopping center parking lot without someone coming up to me and talking to me about "My Car." Stuff like - "I had one of those back in '99." Or "Wow, is that a Porsche?" (I'm not kidding!). or "That was my dream car in High School." or "Love the Toyota, man!"
Externally, My car is a beauty! There are a couple dings, or places where paint is peeling. But those just give it character. It fact those are symbols of the battle that the car has been in. But other than those character-building scars the car looks GREAT! And I know that because of all the people that affirm my identity for driving the car. I feel 'cooler' when I drive my car!
Now the Celica, has another persona. It is old. It has 210,000 miles. There are things that are not going well for the car. Actually some of the things could be repaired, but for a number of reasons I just let them go. Why?
First, it runs OK without the repair.
Second, the repairs are costly.
Third, as compared to other cars on the road the Celica looks pretty good.
Fourth, no one will notice if I make the repair or not.
I have learned to work around the quirks in the car. So at times when someone is in the car with me I feel like I need to explain the problems to my new passenger. In reality, the passengers could probably care less, but because the car is so excellent on the outside I feel the need to justify what is going on internally.
So what's so wrong?
Well 1st, the transmission is going. It's an automatic. And it has lost the transitional gear. Roughly it has lost the ability to shift from 1st to 2nd to 3rd. So I have figured out a way to go directly from 1st to 3rd. I have adjusted my driving style so that I don't need to use 2nd gear! In order to restore 2nd gear the transmission needs major surgery! The car is probably worth it, but I just do not have the money to do it.
Next, the car takes a long time to start. It has to warm up before the engine will idle on its own. The best Toyota repair guy in town, can't trim the idle correctly. When I asked him about it he said in his best broken english - "Your car is old, leave foot on gas pedal, $200 dollars.
Next, the sunroof is broken. Not only does it not open, but after a big rain, it leaks a waterfall the 1st time I put on brakes. Usually surprising me because I forget about it between rainstorms. And surprising a passenger who sits in the wet seat.
There are a number of other things and new problems are popping up everyday.
So how does this relate to my spiritual life? Well I became a Christian in March 1972. It was a pretty radical transformation. I mean I went from going in one direction, very satisfied, to going in the complete opposite direction with several major improvements. I immediately stopped cussing & I began to have compassion for people that I previously didn't like.
So I learned all the good things to do as a young believer. Read the Bible, pray, memorize scripture, church, disciple & be discipled, journal, etc. And I was good! I advanced through the ranks of the Christian community and was deemed a Christian leader at a young age. I was on committees, led Bible studies, led Young Life clubs, helped start a church, shared my faith with non-believers and did all the "right things." So externally I looked like a Toyota Celica! People commented on my faith and my deeds done. And I felt "cool".
Sure there were a few dings and rough edges, but those just added to my character. They were like battle scars.
Internally, there were a few things that were not going well for my spiritual life.
So as you follow this analogy... There are things wrong on the inside that no one sees. I run fine without the repairs. Why don't I do the "soul work" necessary to be running well on the inside:
First, I do OK without the repairs.
Second the repairs will be costly.
Third as compared to other Christians I still look and act pretty good.
Fourth, I can live without anyone noticing if I make the repairs.
So what is wrong?
Well first I do well in the whole Bible reading Bible study area. It is a huge priority and I teach others how to do it, but my conversations with God are weak at best. It's like trying to live spiritually without second gear.
Secondly, I do well when I get started in the morning, but my "idle" has more to do with output than intake. In other words my "soul time" is frequently more connected to the ministry than personal. So I read and study so that I have something to offer students.
Thirdly, I leak, like the sunroof. I don't retain the spiritual nurture that I try to retain. It goes in one part of my life and goes out another without ever staying around long enough to make a difference.
I have made a repair plan this Christmas. I am going to do the costly repairs to begin to get my soul to be in good shape. The Celica will have to wait.
