Hmm! relationships...

There is perhaps too much talk anyway on this subject. Toby Keith says: "Too much talk, not enough action." OK, forget I wrote that. But in a conversation yesterday with a dad of 2 in college & one grad. He asked the question, "None of my kids are in significant relationships now, even the 23 year old, should I be worried?" I tried to not let my laugh be noticed.

That he should be worried about this situation is funny enough. I know parents are directly connected to the health and well-being of their offspring for the rest of their lives. I mean my mom was, up until her last day on earth. But worry is not going to help, either is a personal lecture (as parents are want to do). There are many reasons for his concern: his personal satisfaction of having a "full quiver" for several generations (grandkids), his concern that his kids are happy through marriage, perhaps, it seems normal to be married, and his concern that he wants his kids to get on with their life.

Well he asked for my advice, so I complied. I said: first, I believe the philosophy delivered by I Kissed Dating Goodbye has done more to hurt development of relationships than any thing else I know of. The reason is not that anything the book or philosophy talks about is harmful. It is actually Biblical. Maybe it some small communities the philosophy works. It's just that, IMHO, some of the stated expectations are unrealistic. In the current college situation it is too hard to think in terms of building family relationships when the guy's home might be in Florida and the girl's might be New Mexico. And the implied situation is that all parents and kids are from Godly backgrounds. I find that rare at a secular school. So within a reasonable time frame I believe it is completely legit to get to know someone and gradually move into their world as God continues to affirm the time together.

Second, I believe that non-Christian guys just know how to "date" better than we Christians do. Eventhough their motives might not be pure, you can at least say they know what they are doing. They, non-christian guys I'm talking about, know how to "court" better than we do. They flirt, tease, pursue. While so many times we stand back because we want to "guard their hearts" or maybe it is out of fear. I would propose that we begin to treat women like women and men like men. Understanding that knowing the differences between us (gender-wise)will help in oh s omany issues, not the least of which is marriage.

Third, I believe that Christians tend to be afraid of pursuing a relationship for fear that it "might not be the one". The proverbial Guidance of God issue. Now don't let me diminish the role of God's WIll. I definitely believe in it! And it has definitely worked for me - after all Carolyn is the one (all 28 years of it)! And I knew it was true at the right time, but not at the beginning of the relationship. Of course there is "The One" but we aren't going to know who that is until we invest in some healthy relationships.